October 14, 2007
~ Randomly...
C for Curosity.
21 years ago, I had a C for curosity. And story-telling.
For some reason, my sister needed her birth cert and so, my mum went to dig out all our relics from birth till PSLE. And we were looking at some of our kindergarten report cards.
I had a C for curosity and story-telling. My younger sister had a C for language expression and communication. Strangely, we never found any of Janet's report cards.
At the age of 6, it should be quite acceptable to not be able to tell stories well, right? Moreover, I speak Mandarin at home. And I suppose story-telling was in English? Anyway, I think my university studies more than made up for that C. Just look at how many term papers I've managed to cook up and scored in. I've advanced, no doubt. This blog being yet another proof of my story-telling skills. Maybe not. Maybe I just like to celebrate myself here.
I find the C for curosity rather disturbing. Maybe not 'disturbing' but it did prompt me to think about it for awhile. At the age of 6, why was I not curious about the things around me? I should be, right?
Maybe I have always been a jaded girl, since 6 years old.
Something must have changed along the way, though. That, I'm sure. Somewhere between teenage and now, I must have felt more curosity and interest and a certain healthy degree of positive feelings about the things around me, the people, the life.
Yet, something changed again. 'Cos I feel as curious about life as I probably did 21 years ago. And this time round, it's even more disturbing.
xxx
Downloaded couple songs from Soundbuzz yesterday. Listening to them now. And was playing around with the visualizations.
Would it be a vital sign of my hopeless boredom if I began to feel that some of the visualizations are actually quite relaxing and therapeutic?
xxx
This weekend, gonna busy with Adeline's wedding, the traditional one - involving being one of the door bitches at gatecrash, and one of the bride's helpers at the dinner.
Almost all my close girlfriends are married. A few have even started planning for motherhood.
I can't remember if long ago, when we were still 'silly schoolgirls' - like how our Lit teacher liked to call us - when we daydreamed about who would get married first and then how the order would likely be, what my position was. But I think I was supposed to be one of the first few to leave the shelf.
I think I just like being stashed on the shelf. The scenery is better from up here. Much more clearer, much more lucid.
xxx
You must remember that anticipation is always pleasurable. And the memory of happiness is always miserable. That's from Jonathan Coe.
And anything that requires you to give it thought is just not real (top of the list is the crap we call work). But life's about so much of that. "I think. Therefore, I am." That's from Descartes.
Thinking, and remembering is painful. And at the end, you find out that thinking, believing (regardless of what) and remembering is all so transient. Yet, the pain it brings is so real that it could result in a physical response or condition.
The things you don't have to think about, and could do just instinctively are the only things that are real. Like I told you, they are 'sleep' and 'eat'.
That's why... it's important to be able to sleep, in spite of everything else in life.
And back to the anticipation thingy... just keep planning and anticipating the next shot at moments of happiness. Even if that would, eventually, add to the misery.
Next life, I choose to be a cat.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:49